Thursday, October 6, 2011

Monty Python and the Holy Gaddafi


Anyone looking for an answer to the Libyan crisis should look to France, they have two. Negotiate with Gaddafi, who after all has already agreed to leave. Or bomb him up to the Stone Age.
It is reminiscent of the Holy Grail crew's treatment by the French, who for some unknown reason had a castle in England.
"What are you doing in England," one of King Arthur's knights asks? "None of your business," says the French warrior atop the castle.
Another possible solution: get one of Murdoch's boys to get all of Gaddafi's codes and put them on the Internet, unencrypted. See what the Vox Pop can do.
Sort the following out yourself:
BBC: French Foreign Minister Alain Juppe says Gaddafi is ready to leave and is sending messagers with that Kafka-esque message to the four corners of the world.
"We are receiving emissaries who are telling us 'Gaddafi is prepared to leave. Let's discuss it.'"
The New York Times reported at the same time that France's Parliament voted to extend its participation in NATO's bombing of the desert, oil-rich country.
"A political solution in Libya is more indispensable than ever and it is beginning to take shape," said French Prime Minister Francois Fillon.
Having already employed their helicopters, navy and other weapons, it is not clear what Paris has left. Perhaps the Killer Bunny. Hopefully the Libyans will not lobbest the Holy Hand Grenade.
In that case, fire a hologram.
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Previously published on the Huffington Post

Madama Butterfly: A Journey From Paris


Giacomo Puccini's Madame Butterfly emerged slowly from her cocoon to become one of the world's most beloved operas.
Despite many twists and turns, 123 years since the story was first told it is the most performed opera in the United States, according to Opera America.
The butterfly story debuted as a novel by Julian Viaud, a former French sailor who had visited Japan. He used the nom de plume Pierre Loti.
To get it performed at the Opéra Comique in Paris Puccini was forced to make significant changes in the libretto and music. Even Carmen, a French opera, had to make substantial changes to accommodate the bourgeois taste of Paris, said opera artistic director Roger Cantrell.
Great composers, including Mozart, were often pragmatic.
The resulting version, the fourth, was translated from French into Italian and has become the version most performed now, according to Julian Budden in Puccini: His Life and Works. It has been cut from three acts to two because of union costs. Puccini preferred two acts, according to Cantrel, whose mentor was taught by Cleofonte Campanili, the conducter of the first two Butterfly performances.
One reason the Paris version became the standard is the publisher withdrew the rights to use the earlier versions, although they were later released.
This summer, in the intimate surroundings of the Central City Opera, the story heard so many times seemed fresh. The display of the American flag on the stage is compelling and helps explain why, in 1989,Butterfly inspired a retelling, Miss Saigon.
Nagasaki is another stark reminder of American power. On July 16, 1945, it was hit by an a nuclear bomb dropped by a U.S. Army Air Force B-29 in a successful bid to force the Japanese to surrender, not unlike like Perry's state-of-the-art Paixhans shells forced Japan to agree to trade in 1853.
Chad Shelton, who played the insensitive Pinkerton, performed so well that it seemed the audience, no doubt familiar with many opera villains, seemed to want to hold back on applauding him. Yunah Lee, who played Butterfly, Cio-Cio San, got a standing ovation.
The earlier versions, in fact, displayed too much of the Ugly American for the director of the Opera Comique, Albert Carré. His wife, soprano Marguerite Carré, was to sing the role of Butterfly.
It was the Victorian Age, Europeans and Americans traveled widely, often to places before seen by Westerners. Gunboat diplomacy opened the door in some cases, including Japan, where U.S. Commodore Matthew Perry fired on the port of Uraga, near present-day Tokyo, to force the opening of trade with America.
Japan later became a popular destination as "Japonisme" was in vogue. The country's art and culture captured imaginations.
Viaud wrote a novel in 1887, Madame Chrysantheme.
His story has a much happier ending than the Butterfly people know today, and it is at the expense of the French sailor he writes about. He gets his tattoo and a Japanese "wife" he demeans. He can't wait to get rid of her.
When time comes for him to leave, Chrysantheme bawls and begs him not to leave. He returns later to their home to find her counting her money and waiting for the next prospective husband.
This story was turned into an opera and ballet but lost favor after a few decades.
John Luther Long, a Philadelphia lawyer, tackled the same notion in a short story, Madame Butterfly. He creates the American character Pinkerton. Butterfly has a child by Pinkerton, named Trouble, but the American couldn't care less. His American wife, Adelaide, has accompanied him to Nagasaki, and she tries unsuccessfully to adopt the child. Butterfly also fails in a suicide attempt.
In 1898, Puccini watched a performance of Iris, an Italian opera that focused on Japan.
David Belasco, an American playwright-impressario who was raised in a monastery and joined a theatrical troupe at the age of 18, subsequently wrote a play that ends with Butterfly killing herself.
Stage lighting was such a key to Belasco productions that he was known as "the wizard of the stage. His Butterfly benefits from a wordless 14-minute transition from dusk to dawn.
Puccini saw the play in London in 1900 while he was looking for a new work. He immediately approached Belasco and asked him for operatic rights to it, Puccini: A Biography by Mary Jane Phillips-Matz.
"I agreed at once... because it was impossible to discuss arrangements with an impulsive Italian who has tears in his eyes and both arms around your neck," Belasco said."
Still, "Of all the operas of Puccini's maturity, perhaps none remained at greater risk than Madama Butterfly, first in the years before its premier, then in the course of his many revisions of it," wrote Phillips-Matz.
Almost like the troubled celebrities of today, Puccini had to deal with car accidents and affairs of the heart.
It seemed, though, he had brought things under control, and all the right things were done before the premier of Madama Butterfly at La Scala, Feb. 17, 1904.
Instead, everything went wrong. Part of it may have been fallout from Puccini being declared the king of Italian opera after the recent death of Verdi.
"The Italian public was not reticent about putting a composer in his place," said Cantrell, who has been a director for many operas as well as directing many plays and serving as a voice coach.
The result was one of opera's most famous fiascos. Audience members thought some of the music was similar to Puccini's earlier works. Scattered applause was outweighed by whistles and catcalls.
"A real lynching," Puccini called it. Still he remained committed. "My butterfly remains what is is: the most heartfelt and evocative opera I have ever conceived," he said.
Some called it "a diabetic opera" because one of Puccini's car accidents revealed him to be a diabetic, said Cantrell, who has worn many hats in the opera world at many operas.
Three months after the La Scala failure a revised edition of the opera was a success at the Teatro Grande in Brescia. Productions in the United States and London also were well received.
The Paris production was performed in 1904. Other, small revisions were made in the Paris edition, including one that appeared in 1921.
Previously Published On The Huffing Post
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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Scottish Terrier Wins 2011 World Cold Nose Contest



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For the first time in the history of the world contest for coldest dog nose, a Scottish terrier has won.
The dog, Gruff, recorded a nasal temperature of somewhere between 99 and 102.5 F. Celsius 37.2 to 39.2.
His owner, Ingmar Bergman, said, "Ever since he fell in a fjord he has had a cold nose," the Old Norse Sker, Norway, fisherman told The Turnip.
"This terrier had the coldest nose I have ever touched since that Russian pit bull ate an entire froze cow," said famous TV dog whisperer Caesar Rome. The dog was disqualified.
Today's winning dog's temperature was not released. They are kept confidential to avoid seducing contest entrants with frozen livestock to try to reach temperatures that could hurt the animal.
Of course it is widely known that a cold nose usually means a dog is in good health.
In recent years the event has been held in Ad Absurdum, under the tutelage of Judge Joseph Force Crater. This year the judge mysteriously did not show up and was replaced by traveling official Amina Arraf.
Gruff's victory will be formally confirmed after a urine test.

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Saturday, August 6, 2011

Pentagon Hacked While Crusading Against Wikileaks


In March, while the Pentagon and Obama Administration were in the middle of trying to shut down the whisteblowing Wikileaks, 24,000 sensitive files were stolen from the defense department's computers.
It could not have been Pfc. Bradley Manning, who has been in a military prison for nearly a year for revealing information about controversial killings of civilians in Iraq.
These were not whistleblowers, but a foreign power, theCBC reported. Rupert Murdoch does not qualify as a foreign power as far as is known, simply a capitalist power.
Deputy Defense Secretary William Lynn said cyberspace needs to be treated as a new theater of war. To use an expression employed against Julian Assange and Wikileaks, that is nothing new. They have been saying that for at least several years.
Lynn said defense has a new plan it is rolling out.
Lynn told The Associated Press: "Keystrokes originating in one country can impact the other side of the globe in the blink of an eye."
I know I have heard that somewhere. Sure, Jurassic Park. It was called the Butterly Effect, that something like the movement of a butterfly in Brazil could affect things thousands of miles away. It was much clearer in the film Run Lola Run.
Follow Robert Weller on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mozart99


Previously published on the Huffington Post

Monday, August 9, 2010

Jihadist Humor


While it might seem impossible to make a funny movie about would-be terrorists, British director Chris Morris has found a way in the Four Lions.
The director known for his spoofs of TV news stories, in a Monty Python style, tells the story of a group of Muslims who have grown up in England but want to be part of the holy war against infidels.
It's never clear why. Omar, the leader, has a home, a beautiful wife and an adorable son. He uses Disney'sThe Lion King to teach his boy what is right and wrong.
There's no talk of the invasion of Iraq, and these Jihadists have been so deeply coopted by Western culture that they sing "Dancing In The Moonlight" on the way to their mission to blow themselves up during the London Marathon. They call each other "bro."
The "Jihadists" use derogatory terms for Pakistanis.
The main issue, as Omar's wife puts it, is to find the right place to die. His son tells him not to worry, that his head will be in heaven before it hits the ceiling.
The incompetence of these four -- a fifth joins them -- is matched by the police and civilians. A friend-boss can't see the warning signs, even when Omar asks for permission to go to Pakistan for two weeks, claiming he is attending a wedding.
Omar (Riz Ahmed) really will be attending a terrorist training camp with his friend, Waj (Kayvan Novak).
Spoiler alert/go to next paragraph: Omar, apparently not seeing the arrow pointing which way a missile launcher should aimed, tries to bring down a drone. Instead his missile goes backwards, killing terrorist leaders.
After being told they are "f.... Mr. Beans," they are sent home to continue insulting each other on who is most willing to die for Allah.
In the background it is clear that the police are catching considerable activity in their surveillance cameras, but are they after the right Muslims?
They real Jihadists do everything but take out an ad so there should be no mistakes. One of them raps: "I'm the Mujihadeen, and I'm making a scene, now you are going to feel what the boom boom means." 

Barry, the white Muslim, played by Nigel Lindsay, speaks at public forums defending Islam. "If you think we are all terrorists, why shouldn't we be?" Earlier, Barry had placed a cake with twin towers in a synagogue on the anniversary of 9/11. A speaker at one of these rallies says Muslims are misunderstood and shouldn't be feared.
The fourth lion, Faisal, played by Adeel Akhar, tries to teach crows how to fly bombs into targets.
A fifth Muslim, Hassan, played by Arsher Ali, is recruited to join them.
They argue over what they should bomb. Barry wants to bomb a mosque to inflame moderates. Omar persuades them to get disguises, put bombs under them, and blow themselves up during the London Marathon.
A suggestion that they blow up the Internet by jumping off a tree and landing ass-first on a laptop is rejected.
Spoiler alert/go to next paragraph: One lesson is brutally learned. Never try to employ the Heimlich Maneuver on someone who has a suicide bomb underneath his costume.
All five lions blow themselves up at various points, taking some police and an innocent cafe owner with them. A police sharpshooter, told to take out a man in a bear disguise, shoots a man in a "Wookie" costume instead, allowing Omar to escape for the time being. The sharpshooter insisted the man he shot was the right man by virtue of the fact that he shot him. This is caused a tautology in logic classes.
The story isn't that much unlike some real events. Najibullah Zazi, a Denver man who was preparing to blow up a train on the anniversary of 9/11 in New York City, got all the way to Manhattan without being stopped. Police had been watching him for months. Fortunately, he couldn't figure out how to make his peroxide bomb.
A security expert, defending the police reaction to the attack on the marathon in Four Lions, said, "Police shot the right man but the wrong man exploded."
One lesson, explained by Omar's boss, Matt, is that most loud bangs are not bombs, they are usually scooters backfiring.
Although the movie had a reasonably good run in the U.K. after its premiere Jan. 24 at the Sundance Film Festival, don't expect to see it at your neighborhood theater anytime soon. It might be as controversial as the concept of building a mosque near "Ground Zero." It is available on Amazon's U.K. site.
As for Morris, he has said trying to create controversy makes films boring. "I feel in a weird way that this is a good-hearted film. It's not a hate film, so I would hope that that aspect would come through."
Follow Robert Weller on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mozart99

Previously published on the Huffington Post

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Balloon boy, Falcon Heene, found hiding in a box in the attic



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Falcon Heene, age 6, pictured in the middle
A 6-year-old Fort Collins boy feared to have fallen from an experimental balloon to his likely death was hiding in his garage attic all the time.
Authorities from Larimer County to Denver had been searching for Falcon Heene since his brother reported that Falcon had climbed into a small compartment under the helium-filled balloon moments before it unexpectedly came loose from its tether at the family house and rose into the sky.
Falcon’s parents, Richard and Mayumi Heene, called police, as well as KUSA-TV 9News to ask the television station to send its helicopter in pursuit.
The balloon voyage southeast from Fort Collins was telecast live across the nation on cable news programs. Hearts broke when the balloon landed softly about 1:30 p.m. south of Denver International Airport and television coverage showed viewers that no one was aboard.
While all eyes were on the balloon chase and landing, Falcon apparently was lying low in a box in the attic above the garage. Police officers spent the day with the family and had searched the house and property when they first arrived.
The complete story of Falcon’s non-flight and why his brother said Falcon was on the balloon is expected to come out later Thursday.
Temperatures were in the upper 60s Thursday, facilitating the takeoff of a balloon never meant to carry people. It reportedly was intended to fly into storms to catch data.
If Falcon had been aboard, the balloon apparently took off so fast he would have had only 30 seconds to jump out.
The balloon traveled as much as 60 miles and as high as 3,000 feet above the more than mile-high terrain.
It looked at times like a silver mushroom or a UFO or even the spaceship that hovered over Johannesburg in the movie District 9. The situation Thursday was similar to the movie in one sense: No one had ever dealt with anything like this before.
Richard Heene, a science aficionado who chases storms, and his wife, Mayumi, appeared on the 100th episode of ABC’s Wife Swap in 2008.
Quotes from the ABC show, Wife Swap, confirm the family’s adventurous nature…
The families that have been chosen for the 100th episode swap are the storm-chasing, science-obsessed Heene family from Colorado and the psychic, performing arts-loving Silvers from Florida.
When the Heene family aren’t chasing storms, they devote their time to scientific experiments that include looking for extraterrestrials and building a research-gathering flying saucer to send into the eye of the storm. In this ultimate swap, the Heenes swap lives with a psychic mom who speaks to the dead and can control the weather, her husband and her children — who believe they are destined to be stars. This show will feature aliens, punk rockers, past-life regression and, for the first time ever, the children from the two families will face off in a kids’ table meeting. “Heene/Silver,” the 100th episode of Wife Swap, destined to become a classic!

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